The Church of the Divine Lucre’s teachings are a great value to everyone. Read on for more valuable teachings.
Prosperity is Your Birthright!
Is your life less than perfect? Do you see things on television that you want, but don’t have? Do you ever say negative things like “That’s unreasonable / extreme / crazy / unhealthy / unwise / ridiculous”? Are you rich, but want more? Are you poor, and want more? Do you want someone to tell you exactly how to live your life and what to believe? Do you want the prestige of belonging to an organisation made up of millions of people just as gullible as you?
By virtue of having been born, you deserve to be wealthy. If you’re not, there’s something seriously wrong with you!
The Good News
Fortunately, there’s help. The Church of the Divine Lucre has a spirit-filled, God-breathed, sure-fire way to help you earn God’s approval. By following our Scriptural-based plans for wealth and prosperity, you too can have every material blessing this world has to offer. You can also have spiritual blessings that can’t be measured in dollars and cents. By following our easy guidelines, you too can be healthy, wealthy, and wise!
Watch Out for Charlatans
Yes, you heard us right. If you don’t make at least USD $50,000 per year, you are under God’s curse and deserving of his wrath. If you ever see doctors, dentists, chiropractors, naturopaths, psychiatrists or any other Satanic witchcraft-practitioner, you are damned and going to hell. God hates you and is just looking for a reason to smite you into everlasting hellfire!
Don’t forget to donate generously to the Church of the Divine Lucre, to ensure your earthly prosperity and heavenly reward!